Terms of Service

Except as noted on my Credits page, or on individual pages, the work is my own and I am fully responsible for everything here.  I would feel honored to find that my efforts are of value to you for copying directly or using as examples that you may learn, so feel free to take what you wish.  But please give proper credit to me for my work by providing a link from your site back to mine.  My web site and e-mail addresses are: 

http://spruce.flint.umich.edu/~jalarie/
jalarie@umich.edu

This product should NOT be used.

The above word "product" includes, but is not limited to, the container, its contents, any and all labeling and stickers, the wrapper, instructions, advertisements, and packing materials.  It may also include references in printed, hand-written, typed, oral, smoke signal, or electronic forms.  It also includes this disclaimer.

The product should not be used internally nor externally for humans, pets, farm animals, wild animals, ornamental plants, wild flowers, cultivated crops, nor other living things.  It should not be used on rocks, minerals, gem stones, nor dead bodies.  Do not paint your toe nails with it.  Do not "regift" it for birthdays, anniversaries, religious holidays, nor groundhog day.

It has no nutritional value, does not contain any vitimins nor minerals, and has no flavor.  It is worthless as a tonic and has no medicinal value even as a placebo.  Do not take it by oral, patch, inhaled, nor injected means.  It has no effect against an enemy in time of war.

Do not dispose of the product in a fire, by burial, dumping into ground water, nor release into the wind.  Follow all local ordinances, state and federal laws, and international treaties.  Interstellar and intergalactic rules apply.  Do not carry it into, out of, nor through any area where there may be any laws applying to the product.  You may not use this product for any legal nor illegal activities.

The manufacturer, salesperson, and all intermediaries, parent, affiliate, and subsidiary companies, singly and collectively, disclaim all knowledge and responsiblity for any effects, direct or incidental, of purchase, possession, transport, and disposal of this product.  The product is provided "as is" and all use, misuse, abuse, and non-use is at your own risk.  Any of the people or companies referenced in this paragraph may terminate their involvement at any time without notification to anyone else.

If you fail to read and follow all of the rules above, then they do not apply to you.  This exclusion also exists for any and all upgrades to the product.  You are not allowed to sell, rent, lease, nor sublicense this product without explicit written permission from someone who is not excluded.  You have no intellectual property, trade-secret, trademark, copyright, nor patent rights for this product. 

You may attempt contact 24 hours per week, 7 days per month, but this is not one of those hours nor one of those days and all such contact attempts will be ignored.  Call for the toll-free telephone number or write to get the address.

This is fine print.  It doesn't really say anything, but you are required to read, understand, and follow it.