- Don't quit 'till the hearse pulls up.
- "Don't worry! As long as you hit that wire with the
connecting hook at precisely eighty-eight miles per hour the
instant the lightning strikes the tower ... everything will
be fine!" -
Dr. Emmett "Doc" L. Brown in Back to the Future.
- Anyone who can be replaced by a computer should be replaced by
a computer.
- Litterasy Ain't Everthing
- I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time; I think I have
forgotten this before.
- A five-year old was talking on the telephone and told his
grandparents dejectedly, "Mom is in the hospital, so the twins,
Roxie, Billy, Sally, the dog, and me and Dad are home all alone."
- Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just
sit there.
- Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody is watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
- I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
- Dyslexics have more fnu.
- Clones are people, two.
- Eschew obfuscation.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.
- No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway.
- A harp is a nude piano.
- You haven't failed until you give up.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
- There are three types of people in this world: those who
can count, and those who can't.
- The answer does not come from thinking outside the box, it comes
from realizing the truth that there is no box.
- A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
- Don't grumble about what you can't have; be grateful you don't get
what you deserve.
- A mosquito cried out in pain: "A chemist has poisoned my
brain!" The cause of his sorrow was
para-dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane. (DDT)
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- There are two groups of people in the world: those who can be
categorized into one of two groups, and those who can't.
- If you're not part of the solution, you'll be part of the
precipitate.
- There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who
understand binary, and those who don't.
- Women are not riddles to be solved nor gifts to be paid for, they're
complementary.
- Life is not the candle nor the wick; it's the burning.
- "We have to reinvent the wheel every once in a while, not
because we need a lot of wheels; but because we need a lot of
inventors." - Bruce Joyce.
- "Five out of four people have trouble with fractions."
- Steven Wright.
- You can't get ahead while trying to get even.
- A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you
wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
- There are too many stupid people in this world. I say we take
the warning labels off everything and let the problem solve itself.
- I always give 110%. I give 25% on each day Monday through
Thursday and the remaining 10% on Friday.
- Those who fail to learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.
- "The greatest knowledge a person can posssess is the address
of the local library." - Albert Einstein.
- "Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around
in awareness." - James Thurber
- "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's
time to pause and reflect." - Mark Twain
- Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat
cause kids.
- Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish
and you will realize why some people think golf is exciting.
- Rarely is the huntsman heard to complain of too many arrows in the
quiver.
- So much more is accomplished when no one cares who gets the
credit.
- "The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that
you've got it made." - Jean Giraudoux
- In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty
examples of anything.
- It is impossible to distinguish, from a distance, whether the
bureaucrats associated with your project are simply sitting on their
hands, or frantically trying to cover their butts.
- If we don't change direction, we'll end up where we're headed.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
- "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting
without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy
baggage." - AlbinoBlacksheep.com.
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to
blame.
- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
- Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense.
- De stilis domorum non est disputandum.
- Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.
- The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.
- "If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would
it?" - Albert Einstein, physicist (1879-1955)
- Only in America, could a letter offering a million dollar prize
be considered junk mail.
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